Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
