If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
