oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
why is half of my head shaved?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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