i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it's not cheating when I paid for it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
