i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
