shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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