Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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