Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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