No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is Oprah even human
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
