This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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