Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
