I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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