I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
