I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
