Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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