she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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