I'm so fucking centered right now
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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