So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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