just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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