Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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