shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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