She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
