I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
