he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
