PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
