Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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