turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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