I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
