Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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