There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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