Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
