Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
