just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
