Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
