he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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