You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
