my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
