Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
