she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
