Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
