so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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