Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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