this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
