He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
