i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Your cock deserves a montage
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
