Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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