I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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