Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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