i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
