1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
